April 26, 2016–I’ll start off on a somber note, friends: The apocalypse may be closer than we think. How do I know? Well, thousands of years ago, back through the swirling dusts and mists of time, the most ancient of scrolls foretold it: “When The Burnt Sienna Man in The Great Golden Tower is Right Twice In Two Days, Thou Shalt Look to the Heavens, Mortals, Past the Dog Star, For Thence the Meteor Comes, Swift and Merciless. Sad!”
In other words, this week, Donald J. Trump was completely on-target and salient regarding two entirely different topics. In a row.
The latest instance came in a delightful Tuesday phone interview with “Fox and Friends,” in which concerned morning hosts informed The Donald that various “celebrities” had threatened to leave the country if he gets elected. For instance, HBO star, “feminist icon,” and basic insane person Lena Dunham has declared she will decamp for Vancouver if Trump takes the White House; noted grump and frequent Trump target Rosie O’Donnell also joined the list.
“That would be a great thing for our country,” Trump said, enthusiastic, and he was absolutely right. “Now I have to get elected…Now it’s much more important. In fact, I’ll immediately get off this call and start campaigning right now.” I can’t lie: This was kind of awesome, so please savor this, as it may be the only time in this entire campaign when I say something like this about Donald Trump.