In Defense of Dumpster Fires

The Federalist copyJuly 12, 2016–Let’s face it: For describing an over-the-top, cringe-worthy catastrophe, “train wreck” seems woefully bland and out of date. So do “FUBAR” and “cluster you-know-what,” the term’s less-than-genteel, more salty cousins. In 2016, there is one and only one term to use when you’re describing a tragicomic calamity that’s definitely more tragic than comic. That term is “dumpster fire.”

Ah, great American dumpster fire, how you have swept the stage, a verbal and visual ingénue, in a most disheartening year! You used to be confined to grimy alleyways next to professional football stadiums, a mere victim of an enthusiastic drunkard’s stray and smoldering charcoal. Or perhaps you were perched at the edge of a down-market used car lot, next to a forlorn and empty former Blockbuster Video, suddenly engulfed, as the cold hand of fate would have it, by a stray Virginia Slim. Now you bring people joy!

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Don’t Try to “Church Up” Donald Trump

June 23, 2016–In the otherwise forgettable 2001 movie “Joe Dirt”—the Orlando Sentinel, rather amusingly, compared it to “choking to death on popcorn” in a review—the title character, played by David Spade in a mullet, pulls up to his new job at a radio station. Exuding brash confidence, he informs the gruff security guard that his […]

The Mental Gymnastics of the Pro-Trump GOP

May 26, 2016–This week, two leading conservative writers made cases for why queasy Republicans should (or will) suck it up and eventually support Donald Trump. This happened, somewhat hilariously, the same week in which Trump spent approximately 15 minutes mocking various Republicans at a California rally; publicly bashed New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez, a well-liked […]

My One-Night Stand With “The Bachelorette”

May 24, 2016–Hello, friends! Did you miss “The Bachelorette” last night? It was a landmark American television event, starring, among other things, Joelle “Jojo” Fletcher’s bodacious, sparkling bosom! If you did miss it, do not fear: I can fill you in, along with the various important life lessons that can be learned from this epic […]

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Heather Wilhelm is a Texas-based writer with experience in marketing, public relations, corporate communications, online news, web development, magazine editing, and print journalism. Her written commentary has appeared in the Wall Street Journal,, the Washington Examiner, and the National Review Online.
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