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In Defense of Dumpster Fires

July 12, 2016–Let’s face it: For describing an over-the-top, cringe-worthy catastrophe, “train wreck” seems woefully bland and out of date. So do “FUBAR” and “cluster you-know-what,” the term’s less-than-genteel, more salty cousins. In 2016, there is one and only one term to use when you’re describing a tragicomic calamity that’s definitely more tragic than comic. […]



Don’t Try to “Church Up” Donald Trump

June 23, 2016–In the otherwise forgettable 2001 movie “Joe Dirt”—the Orlando Sentinel, rather amusingly, compared it to “choking to death on popcorn” in a review—the title character, played by David Spade in a mullet, pulls up to his new job at a radio station. Exuding brash confidence, he informs the gruff security guard that his […]



The Mental Gymnastics of the Pro-Trump GOP

May 26, 2016–This week, two leading conservative writers made cases for why queasy Republicans should (or will) suck it up and eventually support Donald Trump. This happened, somewhat hilariously, the same week in which Trump spent approximately 15 minutes mocking various Republicans at a California rally; publicly bashed New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez, a well-liked […]



My One-Night Stand With “The Bachelorette”

May 24, 2016–Hello, friends! Did you miss “The Bachelorette” last night? It was a landmark American television event, starring, among other things, Joelle “Jojo” Fletcher’s bodacious, sparkling bosom! If you did miss it, do not fear: I can fill you in, along with the various important life lessons that can be learned from this epic […]



News Flash, Feminists: Women Can Ask for Raises

May 19, 2016–This week, the American media collectively freaked out about many things, including the release of Donald Trump’s Supreme Court nominee list, the tenacity of plucky socialist Bernie Sanders—not to mention the increasing vexation he visits upon the Hillary Clinton camp—and the highly charged question of whether anyone in America will pay actual money […]



Don’t Kid Yourself: Of Course Trump Can Win

May 12, 2016–Last July, Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison threw an entire ABC News roundtable for a loop with just one line: “People terrified of the possibility of President Trump better vote, better get active, better get involved,” he said. “Because this man has got some momentum, and we’d better be ready for the fact that […]



Trump’s Establishment Yes Men

May 5, 2016 – Back in September of 2015—ah, those wonderful days, when someone might still merrily laugh like a gin-soaked Daisy Buchanan if you told them Donald Trump was a presidential candidate to be reckoned with—Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal put his foot down. Donald Trump, he told an audience at the National Press Club, […]



The Upsides of an Insane Election

April 28, 2016 – Say what you will about Donald Trump, bless his gold-plated heart, but he’s had one heck of a week. On Tuesday, when voters in five East Coast states went to the polls, literally everything came up Trump. In Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Connecticut and Rhode Island, he won every single county, leaving those […]



Prepare for the Apocalypse: Trump Nails Kasich and Dunham

April 26, 2016–I’ll start off on a somber note, friends: The apocalypse may be closer than we think. How do I know? Well, thousands of years ago, back through the swirling dusts and mists of time, the most ancient of scrolls foretold it: “When The Burnt Sienna Man in The Great Golden Tower is Right […]



When Life Imitates the Internet

April 7, 2016–On Tuesday, Florida Gov. Rick Scott got a jolt at a Gainesville Starbucks, but it wasn’t from sugar, excessive caffeine, or a new over-the-counter social justice campaign. No, those things would be too boring: Instead of coffee, Scott got a high-decibel, no-mercy public scolding from one of his constituents. “You strip women from […]



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Heather Wilhelm is a Texas-based writer with experience in marketing, public relations, corporate communications, online news, web development, magazine editing, and print journalism. Her written commentary has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, RealClearPolitics.com, the Washington Examiner, and the National Review Online.
To inquire about freelance work, other projects, or to join my distribution list, contact me at heather@heatherwilhelm.com.